From the moment they are born, children seek out connection with the adults in their world. They grasp their fingers and at the same time take hold of their hearts. Even before a child is born, the movements inside the womb act as a connector, bonding them to their mother before they even arrive. It is no wonder that as they grow, children try new and often interesting (including behaviour that is aptly deemed to be “attention seeking”) ways to connect with adults and build relationships.
In our early childhood settings, relationships matter. In fact, they don’t just matter – THEY ARE VITAL.
This week news outlets have been reporting on the tragic suicide of 14 year old Amy “Dolly” Everett, citing ongoing cyber bullying as the cause of her death. Like many other parents, my heart broke for that family and for that child. And unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident. Over the last few days I have found myself wondering how we bring about change. While the family of this young girl obviously had a strong, loving relationship with her, you have to wonder about the relationships in the lives of those who bullied her so relentlessly. How did these children (and sadly, adults) ever decide that it is okay to be so unkind and hurtful? Would these same people have acted the same way had they met at the local shops or park? Has our “super-connected” society made children, adults and families more disconnected than ever?
We need to put less emphasis on test scores and more on kindness
We need to put more effort into building relationships
We need to spend more time together – talking, laughing, reading body language and cues.
While cyber bullying may be a little off the radar for most early childhood settings, there is plenty that we can do in the early years to address what has become a scary societal issue:
– Support families to build strong relationships with their children
– Realise that we don’t all need to be “friends” but that we can still be respectful and kind
– Hug (be sure to ask for consent!)
– Familiarise yourself with the UN convention on the rights of the child. Advocate for these!
– Listen… not just nod and smile and “mm-hmm”, but really listen. Listen to what children say and what they don’t say
– Encourage open conversations: let children know they can talk to you about anything
– Model positive language, kindness and compassion
– Use resources that encourage kindness, caring and empathy
– Play! Have fun with children, laugh with them, share in the joy of life!
We know that the first five years are so incredibly important – the brain is making connections and laying down neural pathways that form the foundation of the brain. When children are given the gift of loving relationships, this becomes what the brain knows and as the child grows into an adult, this will be their point of reference when interacting with others.
What we do matters.
Perhaps you are currently thinking about goals for 2018… why not make relationships one of your goals? Time spent on people is never wasted!