Professionalism
Does being a parent really make for a better educator?
“None of them are mums – they have no idea.”
“They are all so young.”
“There’s one great educator – she’s a parent, so she gets it.”
These are some snippets of a conversation that I overheard at the school gate last week. As parents arrived to collect their children from school, one shared their frustration with their other child’s early education and care service. While there is doubt that their concerns were valid and that they ultimately want their child to be happy, settled and well cared for in the service, what stood out to me most was the assertion that the “young” educators were doing a lousy job because they weren’t parents yet. Other parents quickly agreed with this idea, expressing their preference for more “mature” educators who were already parents, suggesting that they were better at their job as a result.
This isn’t the first time that I have overheard this sort of conversation, and I can be certain that it won’t be the last time either. When I began working in early childhood in a full-time position, I was 19 years old. I had just finished my Diploma and was keen to begin really putting into practice, the theory that I had learned. It didn’t take long before I noticed that some parents would talk to me about the “fluff” things (she loved the trucks in the sandpit today) but swiftly seek out an older “mum” educator to talk about the “important stuff”. Was I offended? Nope. Not only was I young and not a parent, but I was also indeed inexperienced. I had done 18months of training, a couple of practicums and a few casual shifts at a local preschool. I was a total newbie.
As time went on I became more confident in my ability as an educator, and in my knowledge and understandings.
When I was 21, I unexpectedly found myself in the position of nominated supervisor. While it was only intended to be a temporary position, I decided that I actually loved it and put my hand up to take it on permanently. The management committee (comprising of parents) discussed this at length and as I found out from them some years later, there was some concern about my age and the fact that I wasn’t yet a parent, and may not, therefore, be able to relate to parents as well as a more mature (parent) educator. Am I glad I didn’t know that they had this conversation at the time? Damn right I am! I would have been outraged! 21 year old me thought that she had the goods. She thought that it didn’t matter that she wasn’t a parent because she understood theories, research, programs and all of the “right” things to be doing with children. Looking back – 21 year old me was probably a little bloody smug! Parents occasionally said things like “you’ll understand when you are a parent”, and I would think – “I already understand.”
I was 24 when I became a mum for the first time. Did I think it would change me as an educator? Not really. Did it change me as an educator? YOU BET! But I don’t think it made me a better educator. I still knew what I knew (well except for the precious information that seems to get eaten up by baby brain – a condition that I hope will subside now my youngest is almost 5!!). But, it did offer me a different perspective. Now, when a parent was having difficulty separating with their child in the morning, I wasn’t just looking for the best solution for the child, I was thinking about how hard it feels for that parent who is leaving their child in the care of virtual strangers, crying and unsettled. Even now, being a parent has an impact on my work as a consultant. When I visit an early childhood service to observe practice, I find myself constantly thinking about whether that way of speaking or engaging with the child is how I would want my child to be cared for.
But back to the conversation that sparked this train of thought (I promise I am getting to a point!)
There does seem to be an assumption that being a parent or even just being older makes for a better educator. I have worked with and visited educators who range in age from 18 to 60+ and have seen non-parent educators who are insightful, connected, perceptive and provide the most nurturing, high-quality care for children. I have also experienced educators who are in fact parents, and yet their practice is poor, their patience low, their enthusiasm for their work lacking. I guess the point I am trying to make is that it isn’t as simple as parent = better educator. And while some families attending your service may feel comforted to know that there are educators who are there that have been through exactly what they are going through, it is most important that we have educators who are committed to ongoing development, who have the rights of the child at the forefront, and whose practice is infused with love and connection.
Becoming a parent certainly changed me as an educator – but so have years of experience, and attendance at conferences, as well as opportunities to read, research and learn.
And, next time I overhear this conversation I’ll be joining in. I will suggest that perhaps these educators aren’t “lousy” because they are young and not parents, but perhaps the parent expectations and service practice are misaligned, or perhaps they could spend some time in the service (we all know that the 10mins at drop off and pick up are not the best representation of the whole day) or perhaps they are just not cut out to be educators – I hate to say it, but there are some people in our profession who don’t appear to enjoy it or have a real desire to grow and be better for children (and if you know one of these people – a gentle nudge to another career is always a nice idea!)
What do you think? Have you experienced this in your work? Has becoming a parent changed you as an educator? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
Author
Nicole Halton is the co-founder of Inspired EC. She is the author of several early childhood books, an advocate for children's rights and a mum to three.
4 Comments
Lauren
I read this with great interest as I have had conversations with parents where they have told me this exact same thing in regards to other educators, I have also had conversations with educators that I work with about families and have thought “you have no idea, wait until you are a parent”.
I don’t think being a parent makes you a better educator, I have worked with some brilliant educators who are childless and some educators who were less than brilliant and had plenty of children. I do think that becoming a parent can offer insight into the role of an educator and I do believe it can make you more empathetic and approachable to families at the service.
I also started full time quite young and worked in both OOSH and early childhood in managerial positions before becoming a parent . I found it was a double edged sword with those around me expecting me to cruise along because I am a trained professional, this made it really hard to seek help as I struggled with my first child, everyone thought I should just know what to do.
Over the course of two children and thirty years of being an educator I can honestly say that there is no issue that I haven’t dealt with myself and I find that I sometimes am in the role of a counsellor as I talk parents through situations that I have also had to work through.
Great blog.
Nicole Halton (Author)
Thanks so much for sharing Lauren. It’s so true what you say about people expecting you to cruise along when you have a child (and are already an educator)!
Ann Keen
Well Nicole, I read your blog and know exactly what you are saying here.
When I first started at the centre I work at, I was the eldest educator here plus I had no qualifications at all, the only one I had was, I was a mum of 2 children. All the other educators bar one (who only worked Monday’s and Friday’s RDO coverage) were single or freshly married but all with no children. I found out months later that I got the job because I was older and that was the wish of the committee at the time, to have someone older. It was and still is (I think anyway) a beautiful centre. The young educators I worked with were so enthusiastic and caring I couldn’t believe my luck of working in such an amazing centre. Once I settled in I soon noticed a few things that surprised me, and one of those things was there was no guidance of the children and some of their behaviours. Now I was a newbe. Did I consider I knew more than someone who had studied their diploma or degree? My word I did. My children at that time were 7 and 5. I had done FDC for almost 5 years before scoring the best job ever. Did I jump in and tell them what I thought? No – I quietly suggested a few strategies I used at home and it went from there.
Over the years I worked with and supported so many educators to become the best they can be, while they were supporting me to gain qualification I never thought I needed. We have now got a great balance of young trained and older cert 3 educators that balance themselves out beautifully. I have been at this centre now for 24 years and have seen it grow from a two room service to a four room education centre which I’m very proud to say, I lead this team of amazing educators. There is always room to learn, listen and understand the needs of children and each other. Everyday I learn something new.
Nicole Halton (Author)
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and story Ann. I think your strategy of supporting other educators and modeling quality practice sounds like it has lead to a really positive workplace culture and great outcomes for children and families. Keep up the amazing work 🙂